I needed to get out of the library, but the door was blocked. And I’m claustrophobic.

My kids were acting up and I really needed to get them out of there, increasing my sense of panic.

But a mom with a toddler and infant rolled up to the door of the children’s entrance just ahead of me, reached for the knob, and then lost focus. Her toddler wandered off to explore the book-sale area near the door.

And there this young mom stood, oblivious, for what seemed like eternity, blocking the way.

I felt trapped

There’s something that unleashes the animal in us when we feel cornered, hm?

I don’t know about you, but I can’t think straight.

I tried my usual tactics for avoiding a claustrophobic panic.

I looked somewhere else. I took deep breaths.

Finally, I covered my eyes with my hands to block out the sight of the blockade standing between me and freedom. I stayed that way a long time, breathing, praying my kids would keep it together until we could get outside.

I looked again, and she was still there.

It was time to act. I couldn’t stay where I was anymore.

“I’m claustrophobic!” I said, fighting to keep a whine of panic from creeping into my voice. “I need to get out the door.”

And like magic, she moved her stroller and belongings and children out of the way, and I opened the door and was gone.

How to have a breakthrough

This incident reminded me of all the barriers that stop freelance writers from having the career they want. All the fears that hold us back.

And what makes a breakthrough finally happen.

Here’s what does it:

When your discomfort at being stuck where you are becomes greater than your fear of what you must do to move forward, you jump to the next level in your career.

You become willing to do something potentially embarrassing — like announcing loudly in a quiet library that you’re freaking out because your way is blocked.

You take the risk, because you have to.

Your comfort zone is no longer comfortable.

You’ve got to move forward now, beyond this point, or you feel like you’ll bust.

So the question is:

Are you more scared of sending marketing emails, or more scared that you’ll never earn a decent hourly rate?

Are you more terrified of introducing yourself at networking events, or of never seeing your byline in a quality magazine?

If you have the burning desire to make your living with your writing, one day that tipping point arrives where you’re ready to put yourself out there.

We may not do it gracefully or perfectly at first, but we step forward and start to ask for what we need.

And then, the doors swing open.

What’s standing in your way? Leave a comment and tell us what you plan to do to break through.

Trying to make it as a freelance writer can feel a lot like trying to play a very complicated game — one where no one tells you the rules.

Well, today, I get out the freelance-writing game box, open it up, unfold the instruction sheet and lay it out for you.

There are basically two things you need to do a lot of to earn a good living as a freelance writer.

1. Write a lot

I know a lot of writers who don’t seem to write anything until it’s time to turn in a paid assignment. This is not a good approach, unless you have deadlines every day.

Good writers get that way because they write in great quantity.

Most good ones I know usually write every day.

They get feedback on their writing from editors and other writers, which they take to heart.

And they get better and faster at writing.

In their free time, they keep a journal.

Or write a blog.

Many writers are willing to do this write-a-lot part. Often, you’re sort of addicted to writing, anyway.

That’s how you got this idea of earning from your writing, anyway, right?

But here’s the part most writers aren’t willing to do:

2. Market your business a lot

Whenever I meet a writer who complains they are not earning well, I ask them what they are doing to market their business.

They always have the exact same answer for me:

“Well, actually, I’m not really doing any marketing.”

What?

Think of any small business you patronize. Do you think they would have any customers if they never marketed their business?

What happens to businesses that don’t do marketing is simple. They go out of business.

You might imagine that as a creative type, the rules of business are somehow different for you. That you’re magical and special.

But the rules are exactly the same.

Quality freelance writing gigs typically will not jump out from behind a bush and bite you, especially when you’re just starting out.

You have to proactively rise up on your hind legs, and go out and find those clients.

If you do lazy marketing like reading Craigslist ads, you are swimming in a low-value prospect pool, and you will tend to get low-paying clients.

You’ll have to go places that 10,000 other writers aren’t looking to find better pay.

People are always asking me what sort of marketing works best – is it Twitter, emails, direct mail, cold calling?

Here is the best kind of marketing to do: The kind you are willing to stick with.

Here’s why that is…

Have you ever wondered what sort of game freelance writing is, really?

Once you understand what kind of game it is, I think you’ll be able to play it to win.

So here it is:

It’s a numbers game

Linda Formichelli and I find ourselves saying this on the Freelance Writers Den forums all the time.

Writers tell us:

“I’ve sent out this one query letter and I’m waiting to hear back.”

What?

To earn a living at this, you need to send many query letters, or make hundreds of cold calls, or send dozens of warm emails, attend many in-person networking events, or whatever else it is you do for marketing. (You can learn about all of those marketing methods by subscribing to this blog and taking my Marketing 101 course, BTW.)

It’s like the lottery.

Enter more times, and you’re more apt to win the jackpot.

Place bets on many different horses, and it’s more likely one of your horses will finish in the money.

Everybody understands how those games are played.

Play the freelance writing game the same way, and you’ll shorten the time it takes to arrive in the winner’s circle.

by Rebecca Sylvester

You’ve read that making connections is the way to make more freelance income NOW.

You know you could land high-paying gigs if you just had the courage to promote yourself.

You’ve got the talent, and you’ve done the work to boost your writing skills.

But something is holding you back. The very idea of promoting yourself in a room full of people fills you with white-hot shame.

Standing up to do an elevator pitch makes you wet your britches.

You’re a networking coward.

Don’t worry. I used to be too, but I beat that fear with a little practical action and a large dose of determination.

How bad was it? When I started, I had a full-blown social anxiety disorder.

My comfort zone was precisely the size of my couch.

But I wanted more. I wanted to earn more money, talk to more people and just generally have a bigger life.

I started small and did something every single day to stretch into what I like to call my “discomfort zone.” My discomfort zone is huge.

Within six-months, I was standing in a roomful of people giving a speech. Not only didn’t it kill me, but I kind of liked it!

Just a few weeks after doing that speech, I brought home a freelance contract for $1,600, and they’ve been rolling in ever since.

Here’s what I learned about networking along the way:

Be prepared

Being over-prepared is the best defense against fear in any networking situation, in person, on the phone, or online.

This means practicing what you will say, how you will say it and why. Think about what kind of image you are trying to project, and how you can achieve that.

When I first started, I recorded myself practicing my “me speeches” so I could evaluate my words like a new listener would. I worked hard to hone my message and make my words flow.

Details matter

Pay attention to the details of your appearance, so you’re not distracted by discomfort while you’re trying to talk to people.

Don’t undermine yourself with itchy clothes or a dorky haircut. Give yourself everything you need to bust your self-doubt and feel great.

No one will notice if you are wearing designer duds, but they will notice if you are tugging at your skirt, twisting your collar or otherwise acting uncomfortable.

Arrive early

Give yourself time to get comfortable and case the venue before everyone else arrives. Don’t walk in late and face a wall of people who are already engaged in conversations.

Remember that people usually enter a room and move through it counter-clockwise. Stand near the entrance and smile at the new arrivals.

They will come to you and introduce themselves–you won’t have to do anything but look welcoming!

Cultivate a feeling of competence

Think back to a time when you felt confident, competent and in control.

Spend some time to really feel that state in your body and access it before you walk into a situation where you will meet new people.

Anxiety is something that happens in your body, and you can interrupt that nervousness simply by remembering a time when you didn’t feel it. This also work when you are about to make a phone call or write an email you’ve been putting off.

Don’t focus on yourself

When I go to a networking event, I like to look around for a poor soul that looks even more distressed than I feel. Then I walk over and introduce myself.

You will not believe the profound expressions of relief and gratitude you’ll see from people when you do this.

And guess what? When you’re helping someone else feel better, you’ll forget about your own nervous self.

Do your homework

You don’t need to toss your business cards to the wind and hope they will land with someone who can give you a gig. Spend some time identifying people you would like to meet.

LinkedIn is a great tool for this. You can see who your contacts know, and ask for an introduction, or see where your target clients are hanging out.

Be strategic

Before you go to a networking event, spend some time identifying what industries you are targeting, and make a goal of finding and talking to just two or three of those people.

I’ve found it much easier to walk into a roomful of people when I’m on a mission. Having a focus like this gives you a manageable goal for the event and something to think about besides how awkward you feel.

Accept yourself

They key to beating your networking avoidance and landing high-paying commercial gigs is to accept your limitations and adjust for them.

Give yourself everything you need to be successful as you are. I know you can become truly comfortable with promoting yourself, even if you are starting from a place of abject terror–because I did it myself.

Before you know it, you’ll be bagging the big-time projects that will boost your freelance income now.

Rebecca Sylvester is a writer, blogger and local internet marketeer living in the exurbs of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Learn more about beating the roadblocks that keep you from earning more at Build a Freelance Biz.

In last week’s installment of Marketing 101, we learned that the most effective way to do nearly any form of marketing is to get a personal introduction to the editor or marketing manager you want to hire you.

Do you know the best way to get more of those personal connections? You need to get out and meet people. Ideally, in person.

Before you start up, I know — you’re shy. You hate parties.

Think of it this way:  You’re going to earn more money just by standing around shooting the breeze with people. Just like those people there on the right, in the picture. There will often be drinks and snacks involved.

That doesn’t look like agony, now does it?

You can do this. And you really want to, because people who do in-person networking, are usually the ones who earn more. It’s just that simple.

Why? The connections you make when you meet people face-to-face are way deeper than those of those Twitter followers you’ve got. Those personal connections will open doors for you and grease those marketing wheels for you, making everything happen easier and faster.

Need a crash course in how to network? Here are the basics:

5 Rules for Networking Success

1. Know what you’re looking for. Be ready to answer questions about who your ideal client is. People will want to help you, but they can’t if they don’t know what sort of referrals you want.
2. Have a “me” speech. You should have a short, 90-second speech ready that describes the type of writing you do and are looking for. Practice saying it with a friend until it feels conversational and comfortable.
3. Ask about them. Writers say they hate networking because they don’t like talking about themselves. But really, you don’t have to say much. Everyone else would love to tell you all about what they do. Ask about their ideal client and how you could help.
4. Have fun. Smile!  You’re out of your cave and out in the big city having a drink. Project confidence, faking it if necessary. Nobody wants to stay in touch with people who sound desperate and broke.
5. Follow up. The real networking begins after you go home from the event. You’ve met people — now it’s time to take that stack of business cards and cement those relationships. Connect in social media to stay in touch, send them relevant articles, send them job leads. Meet interesting people for coffee. Keep the conversation going.

Hopefully, I’ve sold you that in-person networking will not kill you, is actually fun when done right, and should be an important part of your marketing effort to grow your writing income.

Once you’ve got that in your head, the next question is where to network. There are many choices.

7 Good Places to Network

1. Casual networking. Chat up those other moms and dads while you’re watching that soccer game. Do they have a business? Who do they work for that might use freelance copywriters?
2. Business groups. Check out your local chamber or business association — some are pricey to join while others are quite affordable. Many put on occasional open-house events you can crash. My local chamber puts on a variety of events every month, from casual after-hours get-togethers to sit-down luncheons.
3. Regional or national events. Hitting a big-time event such as SXSW, BlogWorld, or SOBCON can give you a chance to meet many people at once, and to meet more big guns in your target industry. Yes, it can be a major financial investment to fly to one of these — but my experience has been that if you work this opportunity, you will grow your business many times more than the cost of that plane ticket and hotel.
4. Pro networking groups. BNI is one of the best-known in this category, and I believe the most expensive. Advantage here: You will be the only freelance writer in the group — they only allow one person per occupation in each local chapter.
5. Social media in person. My local Linked:Seattle group, for instance, routinely sees more than 500 people turn up at its live events. This is a great way to make deeper connections with those tweeps you hang with online.
6. Writers groups. You might be staying away because you think these events will just be a bunch of sad, desperate, starving writers crying into their cheap glasses of chardonnay… but it’s not like that. Growing your network of other writers who know your talents can put you in their downline for referrals when those writers get leads they don’t have time for or that aren’t their speed. They’re also great to know for reality-checking prices and snooping around about whether that prospective new client is a nightmare. I’ve gotten several great clients through attending MediaBistro events.
7. Skype calls. I like to book at least one Skype call a week with someone who might help my business in some way. If you don’t live near a major city, this can be a great way to build connections when it’s hard to appear in person. The phone-company people used to say this, but Skype really is the next best thing to being there.

Which type of networking will be best for you? You won’t know until you get out there, experiment, and meet people.

Need more marketing help? Here’s a place where you can get a bunch…